New Champ & Chump Post

There's a new post over at Champ & Chump... it's a Father/Son Combo bout between Martin & Charlie Sheen and Donald & Kiefer Sutherland.

http://champandchump.blogspot.com/

Champ & Chump Blog

The Champ and The Chump series, now has its own blog HERE.

I am hoping to get guest contributors to rival-up movies, actors, tv shows, comics, you name it... possible future posts include:

The Rock 'V' Vin Diesel
Batman 'V' Superman
Steve Buscemi 'V' Tim Roth
Gary Oldman 'V' Daniel Day Lewis
Tom Cruise 'V' Brad Pitt
Kiefer Sutherland 'V' Kevin Bacon
Grunge 'V' Rock
Orlando Bloom 'V' A Sweaty Sock
FarScape 'V' Babylon 5
The Internet 'V' Girlfriends
Jason Mulgrew 'V' Letter D
Wanking 'V' Real Sex

It goes on and on...

Search Terms

People found this blog this week with terms such as:

does james blunt have a girlfriend... how the fuck should I know?

fairwell to a mate... could you be more specific?

ninjas killed my family, need money for kung-fu lessons... awesome!

ethiopia girl rescued by lions... it's true!

The Champ and The Chump...

This is the first edition in what I intend to be a series, pitching two bitter rivals against each other, looking at the evidence and injecting my own humble opinion, ultimately proclaiming one 'The Champ' and the other... 'The Chump'.

It's inspired not a little, by Letter D's 'genius or moron' posts... Pure Internet Gold!

The Contenders

Anyway, first up are the two biggest, baddest movie stars of the 80's and 90's... Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone... now if the results were based on stupid names, Arnie would nick it... but only just. I have to say at the outset, that I personally couldn't have lived without either's movies as I grew up... imagine no Rocky... or no Terminator... but alas, one has to be named Chump. Recent stars like Steven (gay ponytail) Seagal and Van (splits kick and bumpy forehead) Damme don't even get a look-in.

'V'

The 70's

The 70's was pretty shit for both 'action' men, although Sly hit some home runs with Rocky and Rocky 2... probably his most memorable role. The rest of this decade is filled with crap like Bananas, Klute and The Party at Kitty and Stud's.



Arnie faired much worse with abysmal shite like Hercules in New York and his role as Lars, the gym instructor in Scavenger Hunt.

The 80's

An incredible decade for Arnie with mega hits starting with the awesome Conan The Barbarian Movie... followed with hit after hit:

Conan The Destroyer
The Terminator
Red Sonja
Commando
Predator
The Running Man

Holy shit, what a bunch of movies. The Terminator was the Sci Fi film of the 80's except for Blade Runner, maybe. The second Conan movie, more budget, more muscles and even the slightly eccentric Red Sonja was great for the fantasy fanboy. Commando established Arnie as the 'one liner' action movie star and Predator sealed the deal.





Sly didn't do too badly either, Rambo was the macho man of the 80's in First Blood, Rambo and Rambo 3... he also managed to notch up two further Rocky movies, with Rocky 3 featuring Mr T and the brilliant Rocky IV, with the classic Ivan Drago character, played by big Dolph. Arnie may have had the string of one-off hits and the follow-up to the first Conan movie, but Sly had established himself as the king of the franchises.

But the 80's weren't only about the two big R's for Sly, he also released Cobra, Lock Up, Tango & Cash and the soft and yet almost appealing Over the Top about an arm wrestler trying to gain access to his son.





The 90's

A fairly even couple of decades until now. We have hugely successful one-off defining hits from Arnie and well-established franchises from Sly... both actors were loaded and popular, so what are they going to do now?

Arnie kicks off in style with Total Recall... then totally fucks up with Kindergarten Cop... he is the first to fall for the 'Should I try comedy?' schoolboy error... didn't he learn anything from Twins?
Luckily for everyone, he hits back with Terminator 2: Judgement Day... one of the biggest movies ever... and this is despite the fact that the new terminator is ordered not to kill... 'he'll live' he says, as he shoots a punk in the leg.

Then he looks like a complete fuck'tard in The Last Action Hero, trying to appeal to kids, goes evern further into the shitter with Junior (a pregnant Arnold Shwarzenegger... who the fuck signed that off!?!) recovers with True Lies (thanks to Tom Arnold) gives us the finger with Jingle All The Way and then does this:




You prick.

At least End of Days gets back to the dark stuff but even Gabriel Byrne fresh from The Usual Suspects can't save a wishy washy decade.

Sly kicks off with Rocky V... bad move. Who the fuck wants to see a punch drunk, broke, Rocky slug it out with another great white hope in the street? Then the unthinkable happens. Stop, or my Mom will shoot... didn't YOU see Twins fucko?

He gets back onto ass kickin' track with Cliffhanger and up until this point, has left the Sci Fi to Arnie. Then Demolition Man hits our screens, and ain't too bad and also acts as a vehicle for the up and comer Wesley Snipes and new geek-drool gal, Sandra Bullock.

The Specialist is forgettable, especially as snatch-flasher Sharon Stone keeps her gash where it belongs... but then we get this:

You prick.

Way to piss off fanboys the world over.

Things get boring with Daylight and Assassins but Sly wins back some acting street cred with Cop Land at the end of another wishy washy decade.

Beyond 2000

Sly starts the new millenium with Get Carter... Get lost. Driven, which is okay and D-Tox, which is complete arse apples.

Arnie gave us the 6th Day, which I enjoyed for the premise and the gadgets alone. Then came Collateral Damage, back to the 'one man taking on an army' form of the early 80's.. only shit. Then the tragedy that was Terminator 3, Arnie never had Sly's franchise power.

Then Arnie gets all 'political'... didn't he learn anything from Junior?

... he beomes the Governor of California and looks like this:

Sly makes the awesome television show 'The Contender', forgetting Rocky was just a character and the only shot he has ever taken to his face, was the stroke that left him looking and sounding punch drunk... and stays in pretty good shape.

The Verdict

Sly started out strong with Rocky, gaining extra credits for writing and directing THE boxing movie short of Raging Bull... and any boxing movie this side of the year 2000!

But Conan... and an incredible run in the 80's aids Arnie's corner, although you can't ignore John Rambo, Apollo Creed dying in Rocky IV and Kurt Russell banging Sly's sister in Tango & Cash.

Both make pricks of themselves as Mr Freeze and Judge Dredd, try comedy, drop a couple of decent thrillers, and try and revitalize ailing franchises in the 90's.

Both stick their heads up their arses, Arnie getting into politics and Sly thinking he can actually give advice to real-life, promising boxers and possible future world champions.

Sly gets extra points, as whilst Arnie starred in Red Sonja... Sly was actually banging her in real life. He also deserves some extra credit for achieving such success despite having a completely fuckin mental mother.

Both deserve a kick in the balls for Planet Hollywood.

Sorry Arnie, you are a Chump.

The Champ

And this surprised me, as going in to this thing I thought Arnie had made better films. If this had been a fight, Sly went into the early rounds slugging, Arnie came back with some strong middle rounds. Both men touched their knees on the canvas in later rounds but Sly made an eye-catching finale.

Begging...

I like having 'holy shit' moments... you know what I mean, you're minding your own business, probably in a little world of your own, when you suddenly hear, see, read or smell something that makes you go 'HOLY SHIT!' Even better, is when you get a 'holy shit' moment, followed in quick succession by a 'holy fuckin' shit!' moment.

Well, I had that this morning. I had an email from Tommy Allen, the producer in New York who recorded 'Sold'. He's putting together an idea of costs in order for me to record a four or five track EP, in order to make a 'proper record label presentation' to labels in the states...

That was the 'holy shit' moment.

Also in the discussion, Tommy tells me that Ed Stasium is scheduled to mix 'Sold' in July... so I did a quick Google search on Ed... found myself at www.edstasium.com (should have worked that out!).









The homepage tells me that Ed is a multi platinum and Grammy award winning producer/engineer and mixer. I went on to his discography page... over a hundred artists and HUNDREDS of albums... some highlights: Living Color, Mick Jagger, Freddie Mercury, The Ramones, The Jeff Healey Band, Biohazard and Soul Asylum...

That was my 'holy fuckin' shit!' moment.

And now I get the chance to go back to New York to spend a few weeks with Tommy and Paul Carbonara in the Movie Centre Building recording four more tracks in order to present to record labels...

But it's going to cost me this time, so I need to find some financial backing. In Jersey there are a few trusts and private funds for artists (musicians and paint) so I am going to see if I can get some funding.

This is awesome.

And last night I played to maybe twenty people at The Splash and it was brilliant... I sat down and chilled out and sang my heart out.

Live @ The Splash... and weird search terms!

Live at The Splash tonight, for the open mic and on Sunday from 8pm, I am playing for about an hour... come and check it out!!!


Weird Search Terms Update

Okay, a few posts ago I told you about people finding my blog by searching for mutual masterbation in various search engines. I promised I would stop typing that in here because the more I say it... the more times it turns up in the weirdo's search results. And I would hold to that promise, except that someone actually searched for Justin Thorne Mutual Masterbation... What the fuck?

I also stated that as an experiment, I would say 'hot girls looking to hump a musician' and see who turns up...

Anonymous kindly pointed out:

'girls looking to hump a musician' - that is what you would type into a search engine if you were a musician looking for girls. Do you really want musicians that are looking for girls to find your site?

Hmmm... the way I see it, most musicians probably want to hump hot girls... and if it's a female musician, well that's even better!

I guess what I'm saying, Anonymous, is that full-blooded musicians or lesbian muso's looking for carpets to munch (now there's a search term that should yield results!) are welcome here, especially as I'm getting people turning up looking for someone to hold their hand whilst they strike one off!

And now we come to the jackpot...

Someone actually found my blog by searching for Twety Fuck.

Now do they mean sweaty fuck or twenty fuck or is 'twety' a word I have just never heard before? Well, microsoft tells me (in Word) that twety ain't a word... sorry.

Eskimos & Lions

An amazing story over at CNN's Website about three lions in Africa who saved a kidnapped girl from her kidnappers and then waited around until she was rescued!

"Police say three lions rescued a 12-year-old girl kidnapped by men who wanted to force her into marriage, chasing off her abductors and guarding her until police and relatives tracked her down in a remote corner of Ethiopia."

Over at EskimoFriends things got a little crazy when some members insisted on using this story as proof that lions and animals in general, have a conscience!

I made the mistake of making this comment:

It hardly proves animals have a conscience!!! What you think the lions 'felt bad' about the kidnapping, had a chat and then decided to intervene!!!

And then ensued, a brilliant debate... my comments are in the reddish brown, and others' comments are in green.

Lion 1: You know what I've been thinking lately?

Lion 2: What?

Lion 1: It must be terrible being an antelope...

Lion 2: What!?!

Lion 1: Think about it, you're out on the serengeti, chewing on some grass minding your own business, when out of nowhere... your kid is snatched away by us... and eaten.

Lion 2: Wow... that's deep, Leo... what, you getting a conscience?

Lion 1: Maybe... I'm just saying, before you judge something, try walking a day in its shoes, you know?

Lion 2: Hey look over there... a bunch of humans are dragging a human cub away... you think they're gonna eat it?

Lion 1: I'm not sure... but I'm not gonna sit here and let it happen... my conscience simply won't allow it!

I agree. it doesnt prove they have a conscience. of course id like to see proof you have one. or anyone else for that matter. usually people cite actions as proof. actions like these. i think assuming just cause you cant communicate with something means it is inferior or lacking a conscience is quite closeminded. replace the lion in that story with a person that was incapable of direct communication. a foreigner perhaps that chased some group off and kept that girl safe and then just up and walked off once authorities got there. without communicating with that person as to why they did it most people would assume that they did out of a sense of right and wrong.so many people seem to me get insulted by the mere idea that animals are like us. but maybe they should remind themselves that they themselves are animals. scoff all you want. people have been for eons when confronted with ideas that step outside their long held beliefs. like say that the sun does not revolve around the earth. or that the earth is flat. doesnt bother me a bit. at one time einstein and newton both were considered quacks. and no im in no way comparing myself to them, im saying that their ideas were laughed at....until later they proved quite correct.sometimes what people regard as obvious end up being very wrong. but it did make for some entertaining conversations between lions.

Of course the flaw in your argument, is that even if the person was incabable of communication, we have a reference point... I.E. they are human, so it is likely that they think and feel the same way as most other humans (not all)... even FOREIGNERS! ha ha haLions, will kill the cubs from another male before mating with the mother... they kill and eat animals every single day and quite often, will kill people too... but you're right, that day they just saw an injustice and decided to help.

Many scientists believe that our ability to kill is what remains of our animal instincts... along with the need to procreate and provide immortality to our genes... but, our thought processes have evolved far beyond kill, eat, f**k, survive, although they are still strong driving forces... to suggest that a lion or any other animal can't feel empathy would be silly, but to compare them to a foreigner or a mute!

Oooooooooooookay!

Maybe our lives are just very highly evolved mating rituals, ur looks maybe have quite a part of it, but maybe morals are just a new way to compete. the more moral u are, the more attractive you are and the more likely u are to get some so maybe we still are "kill, eat, f**k, surviving" machines.I'm thinking most animals will instinctively stick up for someone being abused, even if in another situation they'd gobble it up. And that's probably the basis for our perception of "morals".

Par example, if u saw a baby calf screaming whilee being trampled by bulls. You would most probably be moved instinctively before thinking over the moral situation. And if you could intervien u probably would and that would be completely based on instinct. But that doesn't mean that a few months later u won't be eating burgers made from the same lamb. (mmmm burger).

There must be a natural sense of "morals", or instinct to protect inocent etc. Otherwise the whole of nature would just just kill eachother for the sheer fun of it. It's just something which has evolved to to stop nature from destroying itself.Ability to comunicate our ideas is perhaps the only thing which makes us think that we're so much different from these other animals.

I would say 99 times out of 100, if a lion saw a calf (no need to prefix 'baby' before calf... we know what a calf is! Unless you can get adult calfs?) it would simply wait for the bulls to bugger off and then it would eat the calf and would be too rude to even thank the bulls for providing the free lunch. You guys still seem to be using human examples to illustrate how animals have morals or ethics! And even a vegetarian animal like say a fluffy bunny, couldn't give two sh*ts about the calf... it's too busy looking for either food, or its next hump to care about a screaming calf.

And as it's a calf... I.E a baby cow, I doubt I'd be eating lamb burgers from the same individual...

lol, Aha! in my analogy u were perhaps a Farmer (and thus would eat some of ur own meat) not a lion. and i was trying to illustrate how ur response to such a thing was instinctive rather than a morally thought-out thing.and i was using that as a comparison with the whole lion situation, when they saved a girl(calf) from those kidknapper dudes(bulls). wheras infact the lions would have eaten her up if she'd been alone and they were hungry(burger) but at that point they instinctively saved the girl.it's exactly the same situationand much apologies for my misuse of prefixes. and yes, a beef burger. u know whatamean. Human's don't have morals it's just a combination of instinct, and showing off to the opposite sex. if it wasn't true then the morals in different secluded societies would be different. But u'll notice the basics of so many cultures are all so similar.but anyhoo that's just a theory. it's cool hearing ur interpretations.

But this is my point ******, the debate is about comparing an animal's conscience to that of a humans, so an analogy is not appropriate.

Also, not many farmers go around killing people.

Are you saying you can't have moral instincts?

Are you saying that because the girl was in danger, the lions decided rather than eat her... to help her? So if she was walking along on her own, they would think, 'great, she is in no danger... I will now eat her, scaring the sh*t out of her in the process... it's alright if I do it!'?

To suggest the humans have no morals, is frankly rediculous and to suggest that a moral standpoint is for pulling chicks is almost insane... many moral choices are made privately and so could have no bearing on making me seem more attractive to women... unless you go around saying things like:

"Hey baby... today I was driving along and could have totally run over this old woman... there was no one around... but I didn't! I bet you've never wanted me more, right?'

Or:

"Hey I was in Amsterdam last weekend and could have paid for sex a thousand times over and you would never know... but you know what... I didn't... for you, baby!"

A white african farmer, threw one of his workers over a fence into a game reserve, where he was promptly eaten by lions... the farmer did it to teach the worker's family a lesson. He beat the guy up a bit first... and right infront of the lions!

Remarkably, the lions saw it as simply a gift... a free lunch if you will. They weren't outraged by the injustice of the farmer beating up on the guy, and they certainly didn't seem offended by the farmer's assumption that they would eat the worker.

The farmer took the remains (bones) of the worker home to the worker's family... He's now in jail and during the trial refused to apologize or show any remorse for the worker or his family.

Maybe this pride were rogues... we all know that lions are the most righteous, crime fighting vigilantes since Batman or those dudes in the red caps who used to patrol the underground.

i'm just theorising. and i bet if a persion did some good deed they'd wanna let someone find out bout it, never know they might impress someone.

yeah but i bet the dude wasn't screaming like a little girl. most animals can spot youth a mile off.

Is that so? What are you basing that on, your conversations with rhinos and antelopes at the bar? I remember reading once, that cows think that dogs (all dogs) are actually calfs. If they have problems recognizing their own species... I ain't asking a cow to babysit any time soon.

So morals are only about deeds you actually do? You can't make a moral choice about NOT doing something? People that use deeds, status, money, whatever, to pull women... are making a moral choice... they aren't using morals to attract women.

Live on Sunday...

Playing at The Splash on Sunday evening, come and check it out... one or two other bands will also be playing so it should be a chilled-out, HOT and entertaining night.

People found my blog this week searching Google for, and this is the best one yet... 'mutual masturbation' and 'Shania Twain's live guitarist'.

Mutual Masturbation, eh? In my blog I said:

I like playing to a mix of musicians AND general punters simply there to enjoy the music, I know the musicians usually out number punters at these things, but playing to a room of musicians seems to me, a bit like mutual masturbation!!!

I'm not sure what that google-ite was after!

I think the 'Shania Twain's live guitarist' found me because I compared Mary McBride, to Shania Twain and talked about Paul Carbonara, Blondie's guitarist.

Google is fascinating, and of course the more I mention things like 'mutual masturbation' the more results it kicks up for the perverts looking to... what the hell are they looking for? A club? Actually I better stop typing that, um how about 'hot girls looking to hump a musician'... yea, Google is like fishing!

Last Night's Gig

Bond's was good fun, not exactly busy but I enjoy that sometimes. Considering how long it's been since I played a two hour set, I didn't really mess up or forget any of the old tunes and I even got to play some newish originals, including 'Mellowdrama' and 'I'm so cold, son'.

It was also great to catch up with James and Melissa, who are back on the island now that James has completed his law degree... Results this Friday, fingers crossed dude.

James is a top bloke and we met working on the door for a few of the clubs over here, in fact, James was working the shift with me the night I got bitten by a scumbag!

Horses can't puke

Did you know that? A horse at my mum's stables died from a twisted gut and it could be because of the food the idiots who work at a nearby hotel keep feeding the horses as they graze. Turns out that potato peel is a big killer for horses. They simply can't regurgitate, it's impossible... so if something is wrong it their guts, it's too bad for Ed! If you don't believe me, check out Answerpool.

And during my search, I also learned that Kangaroos and Emus can't walk backwards!

Reading...

I finished Gary Wassner's The Awakening a few days ago and recommend it to anyone who enjoys fantasy fiction.




This is book 2 of Gary's Gemquest series, book 1 being The Twins...

Gary writes about a fantastic world, filled with sentient trees called Lalas, who are dying much to the chagrin of the planet's humans, elves and assorted array of weird and wonderful creatures... but, much to the delight of the dark lord, Colton... who seeks dissolution and the destruction of the world and all who inhabit it.

Gary's vision is broad and the tale follows three main threads as they quest to defeat Colton and his hordes of goblins and ghoulies.

This is traditional epic fantasy, and not usually my cup-of-tea but Gary tilts his hat at the likes of Tolkien but adds enough original creativity of his own to make it very entertaining. Plus, he injects his philosophical outlook and manages to add real depth to his characters.

A highlight for me in the series, is Calyx, a Moulant. A Moulant is a giant cat creature that is intelligent, loyal and best of all... f'kin deadly in a fight!


China Mieville: Iron Council




Started on China's third book set in New Crobuzon... the first two being Perdido Street Station and the wonderful The Scar.

After Gary's almost poetic flair, China seems sharp and to the point... I think I like both styles equally although the contrast is clear going from one to the other.

I am enjoying the book already and it has only just started, I love Mieville's creatures the toadlike Voydanoi in particular and in this offering he introduces the mutated, giant cactacae creatures! Excellent!

I also picked up his first book, King Rat, but I will talk about that more when I start reading it.

Ottaker's has a pretty good graphic novel section too, so I picked up a couple; namely Slaine: Warrior's Dawn and The Sandman: The Wake... Great stuff.

Gig Update...

Playing at BOND'S tonight from about 7:15pm... two sets, for about an hour each and MAN it has been a while since I played some of those songs... there should be plenty of footage tonight for my blooper tape!

Of course I don't have a blooper tape and no one is filming the gig, I just mean I expect to fuck up a lot with songs I haven't played for months...

Also going to try out a few new ones, originals and covers.

My own tunes tonight will include:

Sold
Like home
Lonely road
Don't we just make fools of ourselves
Cold river
My run
Mellowdrama
So cold, son

and maybe 'Cooling down' if there's time.

Also gonna try out a few newbie covers:

Beautiful ~ James Blunt
So Beautiful ~ Pete Murray
Narrow escape ~ Ray Lamontagne
Jolene ~ Ray Lamontagne

The old classics will be thrown down, plenty of damien rice, ben harper, a bit of jason mraz and goo goo dolls.

**NEW GIG**

Thanks to bluesman, Fergus, I'm at THE SPLASH on Sunday night (26th)...

Check it out...

Gig update...

Playing at 'The Splash' open mic tonight... unless the article in the Jersey Evening Post makes me look like a complete fuck'tard! If it does then I am staying in for at least three weeks...

Also, don't forget Bond's next Wednesday, just me and my acoustic guitar singing new original tunes, old original tunes and choice covers of tunes by the likes of Ray Lamontagne, James Blunt, Pete Murray, Ben Harper, Damien Rice & David Gray.

Today I am finishing work early to go for a surf... or if my boss asks, a 'boardmeeting'.

Just checked my Webstats, and web surfers found my blog after searching for things like 'funny blogs', 'blower's daughter karaoke', 'damien rice downloads' and perhaps more worryingly... unless you read my comic book post... 'seduction of the innocents'! heh heh heh.

Published!!!

I've had two short stories accepted for publication by 'Be Which Magazine' this summer. I really like the premise of the publication:

"This high-quality format journal is structured to present multiple perspectives by authors and artists on their chosen subject. With that in mind, we ask that each submission be a pair: of poems, of stories, of essays, of visual works of art. Each dual-submission should bring out the complexity of an idea or emotion by showing individuals, objects, situations, or landscapes in two distinctly different lights. The number two - as opposed to three, four, or a hundred - is preferred only because of the practical consideration of space; the number two is not meant to imply duality, merely serve as a means to show different perspectives. The concept is purposefully left open to the artists' and writers' interpretations."

'Monumental Words' was a joy to write and research... I can't speak Latin so it was good fun and I know very little about tombstones! The story is about a guy who moves to a cottage, which overlooks an old graveyard. One day as he takes a shortcut through the cemetary, he notices that all of the stones have the same engraved initials and it isn't R.I.P.

'The Medium is the Message' was also great fun to write and is in part, inspired by a real incident that happened to me. I was crossing the road one lunchtime and was suddenly struck on the back of the head, so hard it almost knocked me over... it was a dead pigeon! The story explores how the main character tries to find the 'meaning' or 'message' in the incident.

**Here is my blog entry on the pigeon incident**

NEWS FLASH!!!

WHEN GOD ATTACKS

So I'm crossing the street after buying some fresh fruit, when something heavy hits me on the back of my head, almost knocking me over!!! I thought at the time that one of my friends had thrown something at me and I remember being angry thinking it was a bit of a hard throw... Not to mention accurate. So I look around the floor to find whatever it was that had hit me and do you know what it was?

The carcass of a bloody great pigeon!!! Yep, bleeding and quite dead, probably attacked by some of our local giant seagulls!!! I'm not sure if it fell from a roof or from the sky itself but the thing twatted me on the back of my head!!! A passer by came over to check I was okay and pulled some of the thingss feathers from my hair and informed me that I had its blood on my shirt... And how was your day!?!

I also have a strange little tale called 'Dotted Line', appearing in 'Nocturne Magazine' issue 5.5 in October. This is my take on the whole 'selling your soul' concept and was interesting to write as I decide the scenes should occur backwards, much like the movie Memento and/or Irreversable. It was fun because in the first few scenes the main characters are using first names and are familiar and as the scenes progress they become more formal. It was also a challenge suspending disbelief and delivering the plot forwards, when the scenes are going backwards.

Last month, my quantum physics, alternate universe tale 'Choices' appeared in 'Here & Now Magazine' issue 5&6 and it looked great! If you want to read a sample of an old story, click on issue 2 and there I am with 'The Only Constant'.

I have one more story out there waiting for a decision, a fantasy tale called 'The Talk', which is my favorite story so far and I am thinking of creating a novel for the main character... just as soon as I finish my current novel project 'Distant Breeze, Falling Hair' and edit my completed novel 'Bastards'. Both are fantasy projects, my true passion (after music and my beautiful girlfriend of course!).

Gig update...

I am playing live and acoustic at BOND's

Wednesday 22nd June from 7:00pm

Original tunes and choice covers...

Watch out for my follow-up interview in the Jersey Evening Post tomorrow about my New York trip... my mugshot is in tonight's edition too, as a teaser for tomorrow you lucky readers, you!

Podcasting!!!

If anyone is into Podcasting, above is my feed (just click on the title).

For those of you who have no idea what the hell I am on about, podcasting is audio broadcasting, it means you can collect music and audio files from your favorite artists and hear interviews, live tracks, new tunes all from the comfort of your PC (and the podcasting software you use of course).

Go HERE for more info on podcasting.

Writing...

So, I am waiting for the next results for my MSc in Marketing, and have a deadline for part three. (I got a distinction for part one).

The last essay before the big dissertation and it's a peach!

Basically, the weekend at Moor Hall in Cookham, was all about post modernism and of course, post modern marketing. Actually pretty fascinating, as basically the academics believe everything you learn from the Chartered Institute of Marketing, to be a big old pile of shit! Quite ironic since we were studying in the institute's rather plush HQ!
But then post modernism is all about irony, satire, piss taking and in-jokes, so it worked out quite well.

Anway, the last essay (20 credits) is asking the question, 'how marketing savvy are consumers, and what is the impact on marketing theory?' To get extra marks, you are welcome to write it up in a post modern style. It could be in the shape of a story, a song... whatever... oh thank you GOD!

So, I am writing the 'Freaks & Geeks Manifesto', which is basically a rant from consumers of genre fantasy to the publishers. Of course I do the whole academic referencing thing on post modernism, marketing savvy consumers and marketing theory, but much more fun is to rant on about source credibility, blogs, discussion forums and the unbelievable cack, publishers still put on the covers of fantasy novels... Unless you are Gary Wassner or Scott Bakker, in which case you have some control about what represents your heart and soul creation.

It is incredibly good fun and I am laughing out loud as I write the thing. My dissertation will be on a similiar theme, but more focussed. Basically I am going to look at what influences the buying decision for consumers of genre literature because I believe recommendations via the new media is a huge factor these days in this post-modern, any idiot can own a blog, era.

The dissertation is 20,000 words and most of the other students are quite daunted by this... in writing mode, I used to bang out 1000 words a day! We have until April 2006!

Yes, I truly am, quite literally... a gentleman and scholar!

Interesting submission acceptance recently, although I have a few things to iron out with the editors. A publication, which asks for two pieces of work from any submitting author, poet or artist, on a common theme selected by the author. Both pieces get published in the same issue... they loved one of my tales and didn't think the other was bad, they just want to love both... so I have to find another one that they might love to get both accepted... not a bad little challenge and getting two sales in one go is a pretty mouthwatering prospect!

Recommendation:

This is one of the best (non-genre) books I have ever read!
Buy it as soon as possible. Gorman is an incredibly talented and witty writer, I was laughing out loud during the two days it took me to read this book... much to the annoyance of the other train, coach and plane passengers... but fuck 'em, if I have to breathe in their farts and coughs, they can listen to my laughter!

Google... Good God!!!

Wow, google ain't just about finding web pages and images...

Check this out:

Basically, it searches academic journals for whatever you want!

And Google Map is amazing too, if you want to see what the techies are up to, check out Google Labs.

Funny Blogs 1

This is awesome... very funny... but maybe you have to like comics (or used to like) to fully appreciate it.

http://www.superdickery.com/galleries.html

Basically, it's a look at comic book covers and strips way, way, WAY before anyone even thought of becoming PC!

There is also a great gallery on why Superman is a dick... with evidence in the form of covers. Here is a good example!



Woah, now if you're gonna date a psycho stalker... life is REALLY a bitch if they happen to have super powers!

But my favorite gallery, is the 'seduction of the innocent' gallery... with examples of innocent comic book covers and contents that you just COULD NOT GET PRINTED today... I am still laughing.

Here is an example:




Yes it is sweetheart... for GOD's sake close your mouth!!!

Heh heh heh...

By the way, I'm gonna post links to a few funny blogs out there... apart from catching up on blogs from musicians and authors I respect, most of my time is spent reading genius funny blogs.

Freaks & Geeks

Hardcore fans of anything, really fascinate me.

Football fans for instance, not the family fans, who go along to the grounds of their team to give support, buy a hotdog and who see it as a family event, I mean the fans who will KILL fans of the other team because... well, they don't support their team!

Also, hardcore fans of TV shows or movies... the guys who dress up as yoda at conventions and who send George Lucas hate mail for ruining the Star Wars universe... huh?

IT'S A FILM!!!

YOU ARE TWETY FOUR!!!

GET A GIRLFRIEND!!!

This is for you:




I am watching a brilliant show on DVD at the moment called 'Freaks & Geeks', about Highschool and the trials and tribulations of geeks who fall in love with cheerleaders. Set in the 80's it is brilliant, full of pop references and an awesome soundtrack. The characters are genuinely likeable and the script is brilliantly written.